Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just pynch a tree in the face
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
