I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
