I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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