i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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