a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
