is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
