The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
