I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
