Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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