it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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