So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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