2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
MIDGETS
????
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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