:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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