Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
