this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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