he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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