I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
