Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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