i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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