this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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