Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
