Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
