I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
