When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
