I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
