dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
