It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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