he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
PANTIES FOUND
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
