he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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