u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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