He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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