ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
