so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We are all done wearing pants today
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
