Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
