I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
