Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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