North Korea, Best Korea!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
