Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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