We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
