I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Sober January is a disaster.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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