I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
