WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
