You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
