The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you traded sex for a burrito?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
