I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
