I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
