things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
