Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize