1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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