i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
