dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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