Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No subtext here. People are naked.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
