Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
