You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
